you know you have a close friend..
when she understands and never ask you why
when you call at any second and can meet few minutes after that just to chat
when you shop in safeway but feels like going to royal melbourne show
when your whole day can be spent in talking only
when you dont need to ask, she will explains
when she never condemned you for anything but supports you for almost everything
when she never hurts you just because another person does so to her
when you are either happy or sad, you are hugged and your tears swell up in your eyes
when she and you decides to cook something, spoils it, but still have the time of your life
when she and you decides to travel a different route with no map, getting lost, but still has the best trip ever
when she and you do not need to lie for a reason and laziness is a valid reason :P
when you can share both the happiness and the sadness with her and vice versa
when you do not need to think what to talk about, what to do or where to go, most of the time none of that matters
when she and you have disagreements on some things, you discussed them and never have the awkward moments
when you never have to pretend to laugh or to not laugh, you can simply and freely be yourself
when you know you will miss her even though you have not said goodbye
when you said goodbye but the truth is you know she has never left you, the times spent are forever engraved in your heart

ps: to seekor cicak, seekor kelinci dan seekor bekicot..

seriously, i am so thankful i have met you and had the chance to know you.. the stupid things, the serious things, the crazy things, the many things ... the everything!! know that i will miss you!!

with endless hugs, wildboar

anywayz, there is a song that is stucked in my head at the moment, a real nice one by true worshippers:
here are the lyrics:

Kurindu setiap waktu
Hidupi kebenaranMu
Bukan dengan kuatku
Namun karna RohMu
Yesus Kau yang kupegang teguh

Engkaulah Tuhan
Engkaulah Raja
Berdaulat atas hidupku
Kuberserah penuh


today i really feel kalo kesunyian dunia yang terkadang hadir hanya membuatku merasa hampa!! the only soundless moment aku feel so cared and so full of emotions adalah ketika aku memilih untuk berhening sejenak dan tidak mengatakan apa2 tetapi still merasa understood in every way di dalam Engkau.. thank You!

Merry xmas!!

may the peace fills your heart, may His love brings joy on to your journey :D


teach me so i do not judge others, Lord
remind me that they had their reasons too
teach me so i am willing to be more understanding
remind me too that your love is everlasting

it seems this blog is not just gonna contain many random things i originally thought it would..
it seems during these times, i am sailing through the harder times.

let's see, u know one reason why it is a hard time,
others i can not say in detail, but i have this question i want to ask someone:

"why do you give up when the other day you were the one that told me to keep trying?"

and to the same person i want to ask:

"why wont you forgive? one will make a mistake because one is not perfect. why dont you forgive??"

and to the same person i want to say:

i do not see why you should believe them when you dont even try to believe in those that are 'closer' to you, why do you want to take advice from those that are interested in your problem to gossip about it, why do you tell your stories to those you should never trust?? i remember you were one of those that told me i should be careful with whom i share my stories and that i should avoid certain groups of people. why do you tell them?? why do you tell those people that threaten others to get money and put justice label all over them??? why do you trust them and give them a chance?? i do not see why you are doing all this at the same time you are shutting yourself from those that really care about you and simply not giving a damn chance!


i am not only disappointed in myself, i am hurt because i am also disappointed in you

sigh.. how to put this down.
i am still sad, and i am supposed to feel sad
why dont you all stop telling me to not be sad.
stop comforting me,
those efforts just hurt me even more
now i am trying to look alright,
stop asking me if i am alright..
give me the time, it heals..

ps. The hardest thing i find for now is to move on. Each time i am about to take a step, a thing or two reminds me that my last step results in a total disappointment. Just now, a chance greets me and i have an opportunity. It may not be to erase my previous step from my whole journey, but it is an opportunity to take a big step to catch up with my fellow comrades.

so it is really true.. Hope does not disappoint us

what should i do?


I simply have no courage to tell that i do fail again for the second time..
Should i just kill myself so that those people are not ashamed of me?
Should i jump off the cliff to demonstrate that i have fell down again?
Or perhaps i should slit my body to demonstrate how i cannot stand myself again..
Should i just drink all those pills to finally rest from the pain of disappointing the people i dearly love?
Or maybe i should hang myself up there.. to demonstrate that i do want to put myself 'among the stars' aim high.. right?


well, what do i feel now?
I should say i am 1% relief and 99% hurt. Since this is my second time, i am conviced now that the most hurtful thing you can ever feel is you hurt those who care about you and they simply say that they understand and again just letting it slip to the past and still open their arms to embrace you with the warmest heart.

what will i do?
i know what i should not do, that is all those i have said earlier above. This is what i should think about now:

Romans 5: 3-5 "Not only that, we also boast even in trials, knowing that trials produce patience, from patience comes merit, merit is the source of hope, and hope does not dissapoint us because the Holy Spirit has been given to us, pouring into our hearts the love of God"